Staffiezone

Members: Please Log In

As a guest you will only be able to read the main topics from the forum.

Register to see loads more sections and join in the fun.

We are a friendly bunch of pet lovers mainly consisting of Staffies and Bullies, but all dogs and owners are welcome and many of us have other dogs and pets that we talk about, plus general chit chat, competitions and entertainment.

It is free to register, free to chat and you will not be asked for money to continue being a member once you have joined.

So pull up a chair and join our small community on the internet.





 
HomeFrontLog inChat BoxRegister

Share | 
 

 Grieving?

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
Staffylover
Team Member
Team Member
avatar

Female
Location : Cheshire
Number of posts : 31891

PostSubject: Grieving?   Mon 12 Mar 2012, 7:51 pm

I need some advice for Reuben.

He was very quiet last night and did not eat and has not eaten at all today. This morning he did not want to get out of bed but I made him get up and go out.

Tonight he seems a lot better, I bought him a new squeaky toy and he has been howling whilst playing with it and then we went out with his noseball and a walk.

He is used to playing with Chloe in the mornings and later on after his walks so tonight I have had a bit of a play fight with him and he is now asleep in front of the fire.

I am keeping everything else in the usual routine but I am not sure if I should be replacing their play time by playing with him myself or do I leave it as this is how it will be moving forward?

Any thoughts?

_________________

Back to top Go down
suziet
Team Support
Team Support
avatar

Female
Location : East Riding of Yorkshire
Number of posts : 23424

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Mon 12 Mar 2012, 8:02 pm

Hi Jo

I am sorry to hear about Reubs xxIt is very common for dogs to grieve as humans do - they have lost their companion and they do - I perosnally would try not to fuss Reubs too much - I would provide maybe extra 20 mins on walk to drain his energy which in turn should help him through the process - Reubs will also know that the family and you are grieving too - however dogs normally learn to grieve and move forward quciker than we can and their brains are more for moving forward and survival - where humans are more emotional and tend to find it hard to move forward after a loss which is totally naturally

Hugs all round

I would be there for Reubs as you are already - up the walks to drain his energy and remember to grieve yourself too babe xx
Back to top Go down
tifla
Gold Forum Member
Gold Forum Member
avatar

Female
Location : North Yorkshire
Number of posts : 635

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Mon 12 Mar 2012, 8:18 pm

It's so sad - I don't have experience of a dog losing a dog, but Tipsy Tupenny 2 was distraught when Toffee, our lovely tabby who was about 14 months old when she arrived at our house, aged 8 weeks, - died.

She pacewd. She howled. She whined. She went off her food. She wouldn't play at home - she had really enjoyed playing with Toffee until some f**kwit hit him on the back with a spade because he had a poo in his garden (I still want to kill this guy!!!) & his back was so badly damaged we had to have him pts in the end.

Thing is, we could take Tip for a walk & she was ok - she didn't go for a walk with Toffee. At home though it took a ggod few months for her to perk up - she loved that cat - they shared a basket even though they had one each.

Poor Reubs - no idea what to suggest - imagine losing the closest mate you have...

xx
Back to top Go down
Alliecass
VIP Forum Member
VIP Forum Member


Female
Location : Wales
Number of posts : 6762

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Mon 12 Mar 2012, 8:22 pm

I would spend a bit of extra time playing with him and keep to the same routines. I remember how Cassie missed dinky and I gave hersome more play time, walks and some new toys.


group hug

Back to top Go down
Staffylover
Team Member
Team Member
avatar

Female
Location : Cheshire
Number of posts : 31891

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Mon 12 Mar 2012, 8:32 pm

Thanks. I am keeping the routine the same although it has been hard not to have him on the bed at nights. Ian wanted him on there but he disturbs me too much and it has taken me ages for him to stay in his own bed so I had to put my foot down and say no

I have been thinking about whether I should up his Serene um up to 2 twice a day. I had cut it down from 4 to 3 a day and was planning on trying to get it down to 2 a day but maybe now is not the right time to reduce it.


_________________

Back to top Go down
tifla
Gold Forum Member
Gold Forum Member
avatar

Female
Location : North Yorkshire
Number of posts : 635

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Mon 12 Mar 2012, 8:37 pm

Definitely remember to allow youself to grieve; I lost my dad, my mum - neither of whom I was that close to for a variety of reasons, but I honestly did love them - within a few years of each other.

Non-animal lovers like to believe that I only allowed myself to grieve when I had Midge pts - it p*s me off so much - I was grieving for the beautiful dog I had loved without any of the horrible stuff that people throw at you!!! I was upset when my dad died & when my mum died - but we had always 'had problems'. Steve & I had Midge for 16 years & she loved us completely & unconditionally & I saw her everyday... It was the worst experience I've had in years.

xx
Back to top Go down
Staffylover
Team Member
Team Member
avatar

Female
Location : Cheshire
Number of posts : 31891

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Mon 12 Mar 2012, 8:50 pm

Thanks Sue, I still shed a tear now for dogs I lost years ago.

I am keeping myself busy but have felt very sad today and being honest I found it hard to keep myself from crying on the forum meet yesterday. It felt harder as everyone knew her through the forum so it was easier not to talk about her.

I have been wondering if I could have done anything more, did I let her excercise too much on Tuesday night, did I give her enough time to maybe get better

It did not help at work today that someone who owns staffies was telling me I was unfair on Reuben by not going out and getting another dog as that is what she would do. I am adamant that moving forward 2 is too much for me so I need Reuben to get used to being an only dog and will do my best to ensure he adapts

_________________

Back to top Go down
Bubbles-mum
VIP Forum Member
VIP Forum Member
avatar

Female
Location : Dorset
Number of posts : 1916

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Mon 12 Mar 2012, 8:56 pm

I think you grieve more when you lose a pet than a human i'e friend, family member.
Back to top Go down
Cassieloomismyers
VIP Forum Member
VIP Forum Member
avatar

Female
Location : Gtr Manchester
Number of posts : 1159

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Mon 12 Mar 2012, 8:56 pm

To be honest I disagree with keeping his routine the same. I would turn his day upside down to give him something else to focus on.
Did you speak to Adam about what's right to do?
If you fed them together i would change the time you feed him, same with walks although you didn't walk them together so this shouldn't matter. As brutal as its sounds i would put clean bedding down and remove what was chloes. I know that sounds awful but it Will help. It Will be harder for you to overcome than Reuben as i don't believe they feel the emotion and grieve like we do but they do understand that something is missing and not quite right and this is why changing his routine could be beneficial.
Back to top Go down
tifla
Gold Forum Member
Gold Forum Member
avatar

Female
Location : North Yorkshire
Number of posts : 635

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Mon 12 Mar 2012, 9:08 pm

Please don't think like that - I've tortured myself for the last couple of years feeling I made Midge hang on longer than I should have done. It was only by a day or two (only a day or two - I feel like crap writing that) & friends wanted to say goodbye to her (& Steve wasn't 100 certain she wouldn't suddenly bounce back) - but I stll keep thinking I could have spared her the last 48 hours.

But then I'dve missed getting up with her at 4am the day she was put down, carrying her downstairs for a wee & smiling through my tears as she stood in her wobbly way, sniffed the air, wagged her tail & did a little'excited dance' - it's never ever going to be an exact science you get perfectly right.

Ultimately, Chloe had a fantastic life filled with love - that's what matters - you made your decisions out of love & compassion - if it was you, would you want anything else?

xx


Last edited by tifla on Mon 12 Mar 2012, 9:14 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
Cassieloomismyers
VIP Forum Member
VIP Forum Member
avatar

Female
Location : Gtr Manchester
Number of posts : 1159

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Mon 12 Mar 2012, 9:12 pm

P.S ignore the woman at work and if you ever wanna talk just give me a shout. I wanted to talk to you Sunday but could tell you weren't ready. Please believe me when i say you did the right thing, when the bad days out weigh the good its time and the good walk you gave her was what she would have wanted. No point in letting dogs suffer to the very very end just for a few extra very unhappy very pain ful weeks or even months.
Back to top Go down
Staffylover
Team Member
Team Member
avatar

Female
Location : Cheshire
Number of posts : 31891

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Mon 12 Mar 2012, 9:23 pm

No I haven't spoken to Adam Zoe and I hope you did not think I was being rude on Sunday saying I did not want to talk about her.

I have already removed everything of Chloes, her bed is now in the loft and all her bowls are in the shed and her bedding has been washed and put away. I had to do it all on the same day otherwise I dont know if I would have been able to do it.

I have emailed Newton Heath dog club today to see if we can go for a trial in fun agility. They do it on a friday night so hopefully we may be able to have a go this week.

He is ready to go back to Flyball now but I fancy a change and I am sure it will do Reuben some good having to learn new things.

I thought that amending his routine and with Chloe not being here may have an adverse affect on him - when Jack passed I changed Chloes routine and she was out of sorts for a couple of weeks. I suppose each dog is different. He has been OK tonight and pretty playful and has now discovered that there is a cat in the conservatory after Ian left the door open when he fed him. He thought it was a new playmate and was bowing down trying to get the cat to play with him. The cat just stared at him as though he was an idiot and would not entertain playing with him.
They are both fast asleep now in the front room despite me not wanting them to meet until weekend but its done now so will see how they get on.

I think the only good thing if you can call it that is that they spent quite a bit of time apart so hopefully it wont be too bad for him. They were apart all day, slept seperately at night and were only walked together on the odd occasion. I am assuming he will miss the physical playtime they had every day hence my initial question as to whether I should try and fill that time myself?

_________________

Back to top Go down
lindauk
VIP Forum Member
VIP Forum Member
avatar

Female
Location : England
Number of posts : 9711

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Mon 12 Mar 2012, 9:30 pm

There's 7 stages of grief Jo
Shock or Disbelief
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Guilt
- Depression
- Acceptance and Hope
theres no hard and fast rule for the time it takes you to go through them
you did ALL you could for Chloe you couldn't have done any more to be honest don't go down the "what if road " and if you want to cry for her you cry
ignore the experts at work they have no idea.
any-one who really matters, knows and understands what you are going through
we all on here sadly have this coming to us
its the price we pay for loving them

Poor larl Reuben will miss her as well and so he should, its perfectly natural but he'll move on quite quickly
let him find his own routine it will come about with no thinking about it
you do what ever it takes hun and don't forget youv'e got good friends covering your back
i agree with all zoe has said x
Back to top Go down
janandruby44
Team Support
Team Support
avatar

Female
Location : Skipton
Number of posts : 11929

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Mon 12 Mar 2012, 9:32 pm

Just do what you feel is right for all of you Jo, if you want to completely change his routine then do it, if you don't then don't. It's completely up to you and all the advice in the world is fine but others aren't you.

I've no experience of this so don't really know what to advise except for the above and to send you big group hug
Back to top Go down
Cassieloomismyers
VIP Forum Member
VIP Forum Member
avatar

Female
Location : Gtr Manchester
Number of posts : 1159

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Mon 12 Mar 2012, 9:38 pm

No i didn't think you were rude at all ya daft sod! spinner smile you have done the right thing moving everything and with them being separated it Will be a lot easier for him adapt. Its actually recommended that you start to do that when you know one of your dogs may be ill and not going to recover as it makes the transition easier for the remaining dog when it does happen.

I talked to Sonoma a lot when she lost maddie and one thing she was doing was comforting fagan and hugging and petting him when she thought he seemed Down or was whining, it must be so hard to go against all your instincts and not reward that kind of behaviour but it Will only lead to Reuben demanding your attention and not be about the loss of chloe at all (eventually). You know him best of all so you Will know what's right for him if playing with him helps you and him then keep doing that.. He is probably missing her dominance as i know you said she always put him in his place so maybe you could fill that gap so that he doesn't try to fill that gap himself.
Back to top Go down
Staffylover
Team Member
Team Member
avatar

Female
Location : Cheshire
Number of posts : 31891

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Mon 12 Mar 2012, 10:07 pm

Thanks all xxx

I was like that with Chloe, I over compensated when Jack went and made lots and lots of fuss with her and let her sleep in our bed and I suppose I put my grief of losing him onto her. I was constantly hugging her and had her with me all the time

_________________

Back to top Go down
xclairex1
Team Member
Team Member
avatar

Female
Location : Balloch
Number of posts : 6615

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Mon 12 Mar 2012, 10:54 pm

Aw sorry to hear Reuben is missing chloe :( xx

i think youre doing the right thing though by keeping the same routine and trying to play with him when he would usually play with Chloe xx

_________________


Back to top Go down
suziet
Team Support
Team Support
avatar

Female
Location : East Riding of Yorkshire
Number of posts : 23424

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Tue 13 Mar 2012, 6:44 am

group hug made me cry when I read this again x
Back to top Go down
wids
VIP Forum Member
VIP Forum Member


Female
Location : east anglia
Number of posts : 11372

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Tue 13 Mar 2012, 1:01 pm

Awww Jo it's very hard to get it right - we can all advise but we're all so different.

Only thing I can offer is that I think that you need your routines with Reuben because no matter what, the rest of the world carries on and you have to work etc. If he has to follow the same routine then he will benefit from sticking to what he knows with the way the household runs.

I think he will find himself again when he feels you are more settled - we all have different thoughts on whether dogs actually grieve but we do all know that our dogs sense how we feel.

If you are upset or sad he will understand those emotions, the difficult one for our dogs is when we are tense. Because sadly we do have to force ourselves to get on with what needs to be done we can sometimes hold grief inside like a tight coiled spring and I think because we can't always let go and express what we need to our dogs pick up on this tension.

As much playing as you think he needs is good I think, and fresh air and exercise for both of you will help get through the early days and does help to relax you.

We've always removed all bedding etc straightaway but that was always for our benefit - someone once reminded me their scent remains for a long time the house and garden for our dogs.

Reubs will be absolutely fine as an only dog he's lucky because you have always kept him well socialised he has local friends and his sport and he also has his great mates in the North West walkers to meet up with too.

Like everyone else I have to add that I know you did the right thing for Chloe. We all doubt ourselves afterwards but you knew at the time it was right and that's why you let her go. I once read a moving article called "Better a week early than a day too late". Be a little kinder to yourself, you did everything right by her and she couldn't have had, any better care than she had with you xx group hug




Back to top Go down
lindauk
VIP Forum Member
VIP Forum Member
avatar

Female
Location : England
Number of posts : 9711

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Tue 13 Mar 2012, 1:48 pm

very well said wids group hug x
Back to top Go down
Staffylover
Team Member
Team Member
avatar

Female
Location : Cheshire
Number of posts : 31891

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Tue 13 Mar 2012, 6:52 pm

Thanks Liz

We have had a good walk tonight (I am knackered) and he is now of the opinion that the cat is his best friend and keeps trying to play with him

_________________

Back to top Go down
Wendy
VIP Forum Member
VIP Forum Member
avatar

Female
Location : Wiltshire, England
Number of posts : 2001

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Tue 13 Mar 2012, 8:00 pm


I'm certain Poppy grieved when Ollie passed away, not straight away, I think it took her a few days to really feel the loss, she was not herself at all.
I know Ollie passed away December 3rd 2011 but I still have Ollie's collar & lead and his fur shaving wrapped up in my bedroom as I brought it home, Ollie used to sleep in my bedroom, his bed is still in my room too, I have washed all the bedding now from his bed but it took me quite some time to do that.
Last Sunday I put Ollie's food bowl stand out in the shed which I felt awful doing.
Getting Shadow is not something I planned, I often wonder if I done the right thing, I often wonder if people think I've replaced Ollie (that could NEVER happen) but hes not a replacement.
People/Animals do grieve differently, it is still very early days for you Jo x
Back to top Go down
Staffylover
Team Member
Team Member
avatar

Female
Location : Cheshire
Number of posts : 31891

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Tue 13 Mar 2012, 8:27 pm

I dont think you ever replace a pet. When Tara passed away we had another dog quite soon afterwars (this was Jack).
I had not realised how quiet the house was until I had a day off work and I was in on my own. I was so used to a dog being with me and I realised just how much I was missing a dog so we then registered with staffie rescue.
I did wonder if it was too soon but I thought Tara would be pleased we were helping a rescue as we had done with her some years earlier.

I had to do everything straight away, this was my way of dealing with her passing but as you say everyone is different.

I have all my dogs collars, they are all in a box in my bedroom. I still have Tara's lead and Chloes lead and harness, I have not thought about what I will do with them yet but they are out of site in the shed

_________________

Back to top Go down
janandruby44
Team Support
Team Support
avatar

Female
Location : Skipton
Number of posts : 11929

PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   Wed 14 Mar 2012, 1:16 pm

Yes, well said Liz x
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Grieving?   

Back to top Go down
 
Grieving?
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Pit Bull Refuses to Leave the Side of His Dead Companion
» Almost afraid to ask a behavior question
» R.I.P Remmy a.k.a Remmington/Remskie

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Staffiezone :: Dog Chat, Help and Advice :: General or Random Staffie, Bullie and Dog Chat-
Jump to: